How to stop children talking down to themselves.

The ocean stirsthe heart, inspiresthe

Does you child talk negatively to themselves? Is your child to harsh on themselves when they do something wrong? I see it so much in teaching… Anxieties about learning come out most fierce when they get a mark they’re not happy about, get in trouble or make a mistake. A way to help an anxious child is to help them learn strategies for positive self talk.

As an adult it is hard to hear a child talk like that about themselves. Here are a few tips to help them ‘talk positive’ to themselves:

1. Reward them when they talk positively

If it is a major issue you could start a chart. The chart could be something like the image below from this website and reward them with a sticker (depending on their age) for every time they talk positive about themselves.

sticker chart


2. Role model self talk

If you talk down to yourself your child will think that acting this way is what we should do. So talk positive about yourself and you’ll also get a great boost as well as your child. You can find out more about being a role model with your behaviour on my post ‘Be a real role model‘.

3. Give them lots of chances to be successful

This means setting reachable accomplishments and rewarding them for it. A reward doesn’t have to be something physical, it a can be a hug or a high five.

4. Mindfulness

Teach them to be mindful. Being mindful of how their words can hurt others and also themselves, bringing up with them the fact that they are often negative toward themselves can be a good thing. They might not even realise they are doing it, or see anything wrong with it. Check in with them regularly and ask them what they like about themselves, this will help them focus on the good things about themselves and what they can do rather than what they feel like they can’t.

I talk about positive self talk in me ebook which you can download below. There are also a variety of activities which can help anxious children become stress free and confident.

Have you got any other tips for our readers? If so, comment below.

Love, laughter and happiness,

Alex x

Stay Positive COVER





  1. Love this post and your website, as a whole, Alex!! It’s such an important topic and, in a world where it sometimes feels like all adults care about is kids getting good grades and staying out of trouble, I’m so inspired by this simple and beautiful message that you’re putting out there for children.

    • Alex says:

      Thank you Katherine, I feel it’s important to keep kids motivated and wanting to do well but not at the expense of their social and emotional well-being. Thanks for popping by. X

  2. Kaye says:

    Love this! As a new mama, I want nothing more than my son to have self confidence as he learns to navigate through his journey in life. Great blog too! 🙂

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